I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
