Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
