dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Randomize
