you traded sex for a burrito?
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
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