Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
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