You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
