ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
