The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
