Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Randomize
