just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
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do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
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