I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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