Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
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