the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
