i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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