if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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