dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I am naked and annoyed.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Randomize
