Why are handjobs necessary in class?
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I have feelings that need drinking.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Randomize
