This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
