Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
