it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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