just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
