Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
