i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Randomize
