Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
