Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Randomize
