I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
