I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
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