THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Randomize
