got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize