Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
it's not cheating when I paid for it
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
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