I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
