I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
