i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
