i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Randomize
