I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Randomize
