I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
