You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
