If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
