in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
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