Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
