sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
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