Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
He had one of those small greek statue penises
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
