just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Randomize
