Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
