Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
