I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
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