I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Randomize