If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
