Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
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