SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
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