God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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