Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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