Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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