worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Randomize
