i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
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