I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
I can text with my tongue
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
