Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Randomize
