You made me cry and you don't even care
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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