Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
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