I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
Randomize