I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
my being single is dangerous.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
