I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
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