is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Randomize
