I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Randomize
