You're a womanizer and a bitch.
So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
