WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
