you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
