you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
organizing the empties. That sober.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Randomize
