My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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