your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Randomize
