i was rollin on her like bob the builder
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
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