I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Randomize
