when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
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