I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
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