Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
