I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
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