I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Randomize
