Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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