i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize