Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
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