We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
