I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
