My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Randomize
