She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
